Monday, April 27, 2009

What's a Pirate's Favorite Restaurant?


Hello! Did you miss me? I am feeling good this morning...despite my half of my face still being frozen with Bell's Palsy. And why do I feel so good, you ask? Well, I finally got some sleep. The affected side of my face has been so sore that sleeping has been hard, plus my eye kept coming open and waking me up, and my nostril doesn't stay open either, so it's hard to breath normally. Be very thankful for your nerves. They are far under appreciated for the job they do. Did you know they control a muscle in your ear that dampens loud noises? Did you know that they control the taste buds that let you taste things? So anyone speaking above a whisper makes we want to punch them, and I keep eating the strongest tasting foods I can find...boy, was my husband happy to come home to ME last night!

ANYWAY, I finally decided to wear something over my eye at night to see if that helped with sleep. I asked my husband last night if he thought CVS would carry eye patches. His response was...

"Buy an eyepatch? No...I'll MAKE you one."

"Um, Ok." (Slight fear and trepidation in my stomach.)

So what did he come up with? I'll just say it involves a detachable bra strap, a nursing pad, and some band-aids. Somehow, I just knew you all would appreciate that.

But I am NOT posting pictures. I will never post pictures. Arrrrrrr....lest I make ye walk the plank!


Candace Jean July 16 said...

So glad you got some sleep (I'm typing as quietly as I can...). We really need to see that eyepatch. At least he didn't use a maxipad. Can you at least have your husband model it for us? Have been praying for you, in all seriousness. And we're glad to have you back!

Beth said...

Oh...don't worry Candy, maxipad was one of the test models! But nursing pad won out due to superior shape and comfort.

Helen said...

Wow, you are like a walking commercial for nursing pads there, aren't you....."Because there are some things a mother really doesn't want to see anyway....." I'll see if I can come up with a better slogan.

sherri said...

BTW, I went to school with someone by the name of Maxi, who married a guy whose last name was Shield.

She is now, "Maxi Shield."

Glad your eyes are better, Beth.

Tony C said...

Bless your heart.

Go buy an will look really cool and can have fun with it (coming from a guy who lost all his hair during chemo some years back).

katdish said...

WHAT?!? No pictures? Oh, pleeeeeease? I think I have a plastic eyepatch around here somewhere. It's even got a skull and crossbones on it. If I find it, I'll send it to you (along with a stuffed parrot and a plastic hook). Glad you got some sleep!

Nick the Geek said...

First and foremost someone needs to go get pictures of Beth and post them.

Second and almost as important, why didn't your husband use any duct tape in this project? Doesn't he know they guy code?

Wendy said...

Ooo! Your husband sounds handy!

Johnny, what can you make of this? Oh this? I can make it a nursing pad, an eye patch, a pterodactyl...

Wendy said...

Oh, and if you're interested in piracy, you might want to check this out.

Beth said...


Nick, I think this was a job he deemed way too wussy for duct tape. It needs to be saved for things that include fire and metal and severed arms.

Wendy...I love that clip! And yes, he is very handy. And creative. Which is sometimes a scary combination.

Nick the Geek said...

There's nothing wussy about an eye patch. I'm gonna have to report him to Dr. Awesome for summary judgment.

katdish said...

Dr. Awesome is tre awesome, no?

Nick the Geek said...

quite, and I've submitted the question.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Wendy - Was that line from a commercial? If it's the one I'm thinking of, it was my favorite! One of those commercials that made me fall on the floor laughing while Charlie sat there groaning and rolling his eyes.

Look! It's a pterodactyl!

Hey look! Shiny!

I have an eyepatch with a molded plastic eyeball (3D!) on the outside of it. Makes it almost undetectable. Really.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Doh. I of course had to google it. Now I remember the line from the Airplane movies.

But I also found a Little Caesar's Pizza commercial from 1988 that did have an origami pterodactyl.

Ah, memories.

Dr Awesome said...


Beth, I don’t know you, but I am glad that you are able to get some sleep. I will heed to your advice and start being more thankful of my nerves. The only time I think of them now is when metrosexuals are getting on them. Also, I hope your nostril eventually opens up. I can see how that would be bothersome.

I offer my take on the situation, not because I believe my opinion definitively settles this debate, but because Nick the Geek asked for my view and I never have a shortage of opinion.

As for the particular question posed: the manliness of a makeshift nursing pad eye patch without the use of Duc(t)k tape. I think both Nick and Beth are right to some degree. Duc(t)k tape instantly intensifies the manliness to any project so there is no job too wussy. (I must correct Beth in that Duc(t)k tape is very useful with any severed appendage, not just arms.) However, I do not discredit the husband’s invention here because he was providing for and seeking the comfort of his wife which completely trumps the no Duc(t)k tape aspect. He also gets points for creativity, efficiency, and deciding to make something himself rather than purchase it.

Having said all of that, I would like to offer up a very simple compromise. I suggest that Beth get her husband to tear off a piece of Duc(t)k tape and sketch a skull and crossbones on the nonsticky side. Then apply it to the outside portion of the nursing pad. Nothing personal Beth, but if one of your eyes hasn’t had the ability to blink in a couple days I’m sure your vision is pretty blurred by now and the skull and crossbones would look more like a Rorschach inkblot test. And that would just look silly.

Also, I think it is kind of ironic that a nursing pad was used to block vision. I won’t get into the details of why, but I do hope the eye issues were not lactation related.

Sorry for the long comment, but I saw the book by Wordy McTypesalot on the left side column and was inspired. I hope you get better soon, Beth, and I just winked each eye twice in your honor.

Beth said...

Dr. Awesome-

Thank you for your prompt and lengthy response. Rest assured that my husband does get plenty of usage out of duct tape. He frequently gets compared to McGyver, so creativity and using the ordinary for the extraordinary are gifts of his. In fact, if McGyverness was a gift of the Spirit, he would totally have that. And so would Nick. They are two manly, God lovin' geeks from the same pod and I hope they never, ever meet in person.

May I also add that this eyepatch was made directly after my husband got home from a retreat...ironic considering your SCL post on Friday.

The eye issues are not lactation related, thankfully, and continue to improve because of the homemade eyepatch.

On behalf of all of the FOTTSPers, thank you for stopping by and you are always welcome to testosterbomb us with your awesomeness.