Always eat right before swimming. Who wants to have to get out again to get food?
Run with scissors because you'll get there faster.
It's all in fun until someone ruptures a spleen. Make sure to have your spleen checked before having fun.
Run around in traffic - it will give drivers a chance to earn points.
Put a screwdriver into a plug socket because it's cheaper than getting a perm.
Don't pay attention when you are using a table saw because you've got more than enough fingers.
Fart really loud then blame someone across the room. When someone calls you on it, tell them that the person across the room is a fart ventriloquist.
Keep Skittles in your belly button. You never know when you'll be up for a snack.
Teach your dog to type so they can spill all your secrets on Twitter.
Everything is Fine
11 hours ago