Saturday, January 31, 2009

Start Parenting and Quit Being Their Friend

**Note** This is going to be a rant, due to some text messages my daughter received in the middle of the night about a 'friend' who was at a party that was busted and the parent of a friend came and bailed her out. Yes, I saw the texts, and yes, I know the kids and parents very well who were involved the situation. I am deeply disappointed not just in the kids but in the parents who seem to think this isn't a serious problem and are enabling these kids. I will not use names, so don't ask. But I hope this will be a wake up call for just such parents.

I have an issue with parents who don't parent their kids, but instead want to either live vicariously through them or be a friend. If you do that, you are NOT doing your kid any favors. I will be the first to tell you that I have made many mistakes with my kids and am a less than perfect parent, who at times doesn't come down as hard as I probably should. I know my kids have not been perfect in the past and still aren't. If I knew that my kid was doing drugs or going to partys, I would take away every right they have, except the right to breathe and they know this. Seriously. I tell them 'I may not know at the moment, but I will find out', and that has been the case more times than not. And my kids will tell you that.

I have a big problem with kids doing drugs and alcohol and this is a serious issue that is running rampant amongst our youth. Parents need to quit pretending like their kid doesn't do it, and if they know their kid does they need to quit acting like it's no big deal and start doling out some serious consequences.

As I mentioned, in the middle of the night my daughter received some texts from a girl who is definitely on the wrong path and headed for trouble. I have spent a lot of time with this girl and she is making some very poor choices and hanging out with the wrong people. I have been very upfront with her about this, but my words mean nothing if the authority figures (read: parents and parents of her friends) in her life condone her behavior. These 'authority figures' should be scared out of their minds instead of laughing it off that this kid is doing drugs and hanging out at partys, drinking. What is wrong with parents like this?

The gist of the messages were that 'she' had been at a party that was busted and her friends mom drove 15 miles out of town to bail her out. She wanted my daughter to come pick her up so she could go get her car because it was parked on the street and she didn't want to get a ticket. My first question is why is this parent 'bailing' any kid out? Secondly, why is this parent NOT in touch with the girls parents and getting them involved? (I may not have all of the facts because I only know what I saw in the texts, but from what I read, her parents were not 'in the know'.)

Parents, you need to wake up and know what your kids are doing. You need to get involved and pound into your kids the dangers of drugs and alcohol. You need to quit being their friend and start parenting. You need to fear for your kids life and do whatever it takes to make sure they are safe. You need to pull your head out of the sand and realize that at any moment you may have to identify their body in the morgue because drugs or alcohol were the factor that ended their life. If you think this is overly dramatic, whatever. I know a lot of these kids and this rant stems from my concern for them. You should start being concerned as well.


sherri said...

I now, am my sons' very good friend.

They are grown and out of the house.

I can NOW be their friend. They've earned it. They're young men.

While living in my home, I WAS NOT A FRIEND.
I don't think they liked me very much, but I had many friends and only 3 sons, so I really didn't mind.

They forgave me, love me and appreciate my attempt at raising them the "right way".

I don't regret not being their friend.

They've turned into some fine young men, who all have made mistakes, but know what's right. Because the line was clearly drawn for them to see.

RANT ON , my sista!

Annie K said...

Funny thing...during vball season, we were all in a huddle and this girl pipes up 'my mom and I are more like friends.' Kenzi pipes up 'My mom IS NOT my friend!' It kind of became a joke, but she'll tell that to anyone cause it's true!

Ryan B said...

As a teenager I see exactly where you are coming from. My mom always says that she got lucky because I never got into any of that stuff. My roommate got arrested a couple of weeks ago for drunk in public. His parents cracked down pretty hard and it really changed his attitude. He hasn't done anything illegal since, has been a lot more fun to be around, and seems to be having more fun. He's still upset that he got in trouble, but he has a pretty positive outlook on the future. I agree that parents need to take control of their kids (especially in middle and high school because that is where it starts and it is ridiculous).

Michelle said...

Sherri you freaking rock!!

If i had kids i would want to be just like you!!!

Your my hero!!!

Michelle said...

I'm sorry I meant Anne K!!!

Helen said...

What Michelle said.

katdish said...

Hmmm....I wonder if you would have bought my sister's story like my mom did when she came home, threw up in the hallway and told my mom that she had eaten bad potato salad. Something tells me no...

katdish said...

Ryan --

Did you get my email?

Annie K said...

Ryan, you're mom is indeed lucky to have such an awesome kid like you. I've had a few trials with my daughter, but I came down pretty hard and she now has no problem telling those kids who do drugs and drink how dumb they are. She's inherited that outspoken gene from her momma. ;)

Katdish, that was very clever of your sister. I don't think I would've bought it though. Probably because I wasn't born yesterday if you know what I'm sayin'.

Thanks Michelle. (And nice to meet you) ;)

Ryan B said...

Katdish, no I didn't get the email. If you could send it again that would be great.