Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Help Us Make This Experience As Awkward As Possible

Okay. So I am going to need help from you all this week. You see, here in Chicago, the Archdiocese has been conducting a drive to bring nonChurchgoers back to Church. I am cool with that. I think that is a good idea. But my parish has gone the route of "Are there any newcomers in Church today. Please stand. Let's all clap and welcome them..."

I'm thinking that we could do even more to make them feel even more awkward. How you ask? I'm thinking to take this poll at the beginning of Mass, and then make the newcomers wear newspaper hats. Maybe we can even attach balloons onto their pew right behind their backs. After that, I am at a loss for suggestions. I plan on bringing this up to the Parish Council President, and I need some more ideas, in case Greg doesn't like the ones I have already come up with.

So. How do you like standing up in front of a congregation you don't know to be welcomed? (Can you tell I don't? And it is really awkward when visiting a small Church because you know they know they don't know you and not standing is the same as lying, so by not standing, you have just confessed being a liar to a congregation you don't even know.) How could we make you feel more awkward, er, I mean welcome?

And no fair borrowing ideas from this video! We need original ways to make people wonder why they even bothered!

I'm submitting this for Wendy's Life is Funny Blog Carnival. WhY? Because FOTTSPers have been lax in showing Wendy the love! You FOTTSPERS should really get with the program and start participating in Wendy's Life is Funny blog carnival. Why haven't you done that yet? C'mon! Get a right on that! TWSS.


Shark Bait said...

Instead of referring to them as 'visitors' call them 'trainee Christians'.

In fact, if you can get them to wear name tags that say "trainee" or "Apprentice believer" that would be even cooler.

Jewda said...

Shark Bait has reminded me of something lame at a church I worked at. I was told in staff meeting we should call them "pre-Christians." I declined to call them anything, for fear of breaking rules or sounding like a moron.

Can every visitor be identified before the service and be given a buddy clown to sit with?

♥ Kathy said...

That video was funny Helen. Honestly, I always hide in the back of a new church. I have to know if I like it before I make my presence known. My grandpa was a preacher. He never introduced visitors unless someone asked him to say something like "this is my cousin from Utah, can you introduce them?". True story :)

Wendy said...

I dunno. This all sounds a bit too nice. I'm thinking they should be shunned into joining the church. Make 'em sit up in the front corner wearing those devil horn headbands and holding pitchforks. Oh, and make sure to bring in portable heaters to aim at them to make sure they feel the fires of hell. If that doesn't get them to join the church, I just don't know what will.

Stephanie said...

This might be one of the most awkward things I've heard. How can priests be so ridiculously out of touch??
As a Catholic, I got a real chuckle out of this, but really??
The paper hats/balloon idea made me laugh out loud. At least it would be more celebratory. So glad I found your blog!