Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Boys will be boys....

When I first began my journey into cyber space, namely, the blog world, many friends and family members warned me about the possible people I would come in contact with. They warned me to never believe everything stated by someone I'm conversing with, because although they SAY they are a "40 something Christian lady, just looking to meet other Christian bloggers out there", they may actually be some kind of perverted male just trying to lure unsuspecting saint-like bloggers (that would be me) into their dark world.

I assured them that I would be able to tell. And even if I was fooled in the beginning, time will tell, because no one could continue in a fake persona for very long, plus, I have the gift of discernment.


This leads me to today's post.

Now, you know I haven't posted here in a while because really, I don't have the time. And now, my precious and HAWT husband Big Al was injured on his Motorcycle, so I have not been keeping up with other's posts because I'm home taking care of him. He will be okay, but very banged up, as you could imagine after being thrown from a bike off the highway and landing face first in a grassy field.

So, I reach out to my so-called Christian blogger pals to let them know about Big AL and his injuries,

Oh yes, for the the first day or so, they were all like "Praise God he's ok... Thanking God for this miracle.... God is good....We're praying for you and Big Al...If you need anything....

By day two, the "Christan Lady bloggers "show their true colors...the SEVENTH GRADE BOYS finally put away the masks and begin to type:

WARNING! WARNING! What you are about to read will be offensive and is definitely pg-13 and R-rated with lots of rated x innuendo. Sorry, but I feel it is necessary to share this conversation to expose the FOTTSP "ladies" for who they really are...a bunch of sleazy SEVENTH GRADE BOYS!

* I send this innocent email giving them an update on Big Al's condition.
This is the second email I send- so It is being picked up in mid conversation after Candy says I'm playing HOT NURSE and she has a nurse's cap to send to me to wear with my stilettos:

Saint Sherri

...But he actually stood in the shower this morning. But he could only stand there. I did all the work.

*Then realizing, that may of come across wrong- I TRY to clarify....

(Just a platonic bathing incident- get your mind out of the gutter ladies!) It's kind of funny- that what at one time would have been considered a romantic gesture, was now simply an act of necessity.
Showering together is not romantic when one person is hurting all over, and the other is looking at the the abrasions, bumps, lumps, bruises, cuts, and swollen areas.

But he seems to be feeling a LITTLE better. The timing of his pain pills are now more hours between dosages.

I wish he would let me take pictures, but he won't. It would make you all want to cry. And then you'd want to kiss him and give him a gentle hug. I'm tellin' ya', he's a sad puppy to look at.

- Big Al...I don't blame you for not wanting pics. Just say no!!!

Kent (posing as "katdish") Yes. Please send nekkid pictures of Al in the shower....

Arnold (posing as "Annie K")-Sherri, did you really write, 'Showering together is not romantic when one person is hurting all over, and the other is looking at the the abrasions, bumps, lumps, bruises, cuts, and swollen areas.'

Perhaps i have an extremely perverted mind but I totally started cracking up at those last few words.

O' y'all didn't snort at that!


I'm really sorry for your pain Al. We're not laughing at you. We're laughing at your wife.

(Wendell posing as "Wendy")span style="font-style:italic;">>Maybe if Sherri didn't leave the swollen parts alone Big Al would be happier. C'mon Sherri! Swollen parts need love, too!

Oh my dear goodness gracious. You all are upsetting my delicate sensibilities...

(Kent/katdish) Next on a very special Matter of Fact:Big Al's Swollen Areas

( Innocent Mare
)Seriously, I'm too young for this... ;)

Saint Sherri-
Sorry Mare. Cover your eyes!

Saint Sherri-
Ladies, Ladies, the "swollen" areas I was referring to were only his ankles, shoulder and THUMB!!! Geesh! Poor Big AL, has no idea what all kind of talk is going on behind his back! (or behind his "Swollen areas")

(Mark posing as "Marni"
)-OMGee!! I'm sitting in the car waiting for my daughter to get out of tutoring and I am CRYING I am laughing so hard at all of you.

Sherri if you get bored with "naughty nurse", my hubs is a police detective. I can send you some cuffs and u can be "naughty lady cop"...bow chick wow wow ;)

Saint Sherri
- And yes Annie, you're a pervert!

And that goes for the rest of ya' too!

I'm just trying to .... oh forget it! I can't even explain anymore, because you all are like talking to seventh grade boys- now ANYTHING I share will seem "dirty"!

-You've taken an innocent "platonic bathing incident" and turned it into a cheap porno flick!!!! And now katdish wants pics of him in the shower?!!!! And then there's Wendy....need I say more? And poor Mare- we've scared her to death- tomorrow, I'm only listing the foods I cooked for him.

Herbie Gookins posing as said "cheap porno flick"...hehehe

(Carl/Candy)span style="font-style:italic;">>Oh, I can't wait for the update tomorrow, Sherri! Don't forget the whipped cream!

Yeah, poor Mare. Really, we are nice girls. Nice, married girls. We're nothing like....Sherri. Poor Big Al (why does she call him Big Al, anyway?) - getting taken advantage of while he's feeling so poorly.

Saint Sherr
i-Okay, I WON'T list the foods I cooked for him because nuts are included, and a banana....I can see where it will end up!

Maybe I'll just list SOME SCRIPTURES on HEALING so your perverted minds can get some rest!

(Carl posing as "Candy"
)Surely you can get some sympathy pictures without the "swollen areas" and such.

Virtuous Steph
- Wow.

Just... Wow.

Sherri, I must apologize for all of THEM. We all know that had I been here, I would have defended you. And Big Al's "swollen parts."

Awww, now I feel dirty.

don’t try to play good cop. You’d have been in the thick of it. YOU KNOW IT.

Charlie have any recipes for Sherri? With nuts? Bananas?

(Saint Sherri)
- Thank you Steph for defending the swollen parts and NOT acting like a Jr. High BOY! I appreciate ONE adult in the mix here.

Helen called yesterday- she had no idea Big Al had any swollen parts as she still has not been on the computer- so I filled her in AND told her about my friendship with a bunch of Junior High BOYS, so now when she goes to the Library she'll be a bit prepared. I read some of them to her.
She'll probably get kicked out as she doubles over while busting out a big BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

Poor Big Al, just trying to enjoy a healthy breakfast, and it's sure to become blog fodder! And now my image has been tainted!

Marni- what happened to all the "talk" about helping me deal with the stress of care taking?

Okay, there was MUCH more, but since I have a temporarily crippled husband who needs me by his side, I could only cut and paste so much, but I'm sure you can imagine the rest...or maybe not, unless YOU'RE a SEVENTH GRADE BOY!

I just thought you all should know who/what you're really dealing with here.

Good night.


Annie K said...

Bathing Big Al's 'swollen thumb'...

That's what she said.


Rebecca on The Homefront said...

I would leave a comment, but I'm too busy laughing myself all over the place.

Poor Big Al, having all these women discussing swollen parts. *snicker*

katdish said...

Aw, Sherri...

Why you gotta be spreading lies about us?

You have a very active imagination...

Beck said...

This is the first time I've read you, and I'm laughing SO hard - thanks for making my morning!

Billy Coffey said...

You know, I've never met any of you people, but I'm convinced you're not women. You're all forty-year-old rednecks men.


sherri said...

Ya' know Billy, at least you admit are what/who you really are- a redneck man! If these "ladies" would just come clean (LITERALLY- They need a good washin'!) and fess up, it would be better for all involved. Notice, there are no pics on the sidebar of any one of them....
At look at the type humor repeating posted of here...Monkey Butts, "that's what she said" and such, c'mon, if that doesn't scream SEVENTH GRADE BOYS I don't know what does!

And Arnold/"Annie"- it WAS his thumb, I SWEAR!

Thank you Rebecca for not adding insult to Big Al's swollen injuries.

Kent/"katdish"- yeah, whatever!

Beck- you're welcome, I guess.

sherri said...

And sorry, Billy- I left a record number of typos in my comment to you-It's nothing more than caregiver stress coming through. Normally, my typing is flawless!

Wendy said...

Sherri, does Big Al know that you're comparing his swollen parts to a thumb? Way to attack his manhood...

Candace Jean July 16 said...

The only thing that could have made this thread funnier is if it had been communicated through the twitterverse. Yeah, I don't know these people either.

PlatonicBathingIncident would make a great twitter handle.

sherri said...

Wendy- maybe he has a big thumb! I'll never tell!

See! See, what you made me do! You "boys" are awful! I'll have to stop playing with you guys, cause my parents are going to be upset with me. My Dad was a pastor, you know?!

And Look Carl/Candy- you've been outed, so quit playing innocent! When is the smoothie recipe posting?

Candace Jean July 16 said...

What smoothie do you want? Green Monster?

sherri said...

Whichever one you boys have been talking about.

Nick the Geek said...

Um ... is the the public bathing thing I wasn't suppose to hear about because if so there should have been a warning label to stop me from reading further. If not then it should fall under the same category and needed a warning label to stop me from reading.

Helen said...

Ay Caramba!