Wednesday, May 13, 2009

An open letter to Chuck Norris


Dear Chuck Norris,

As you may have read in an earlier post, my friend Katdish has an Honorary Man Card and I'm totally jealous. Now I'm not saying that I deserve an HMC, but I was hoping for an Honorary Lesser Man Card at least. Katdish says that the only way for me to get one is to have the honor bestowed upon me by you, George Clooney or Billy Coffey. George Clooney is too busy ducking marital commitment and there may or may not have been an incident in which I said something about Billy Coffey and body glitter. Help me, Chuck Norris, you're my only hope. What are my qualifications? Would it help if I tell you that I'm a Republican? I've been known to ask people to pull my finger on occassion. I can't stand pink. Okay, truth be told, I can't burp to save my life, but that shouldn't be counted against me, right? Oh! And I know how to use an assortment of power tools. What do you think? And since I've got your ear, my friend Steph could really use a card, too. But she could totally go for the real HMC. Did you see her post? She scares me. Anyway, thanks Chuck. I'd appreciate any help you can give me!



Wendy said...

Okay, I totally just emailed this to Chuck Norris. Think he'll reply?

Andrea said...

you're such a dork!!!

CHUCK said...

Dear Wendy,
Just like the rock I split on your sidebar...consider it done!


katdish said...

We've been busy this afternoon, haven't we? Oh, hey there Chuck. How's the family?

Billy Coffey said...

This may well be the coolest thing I have ever read in my life.

Chuck and I are tight. I'll see what I can do.

Steph @Red Clay Diaries said...

Wendy, crossing my fingers and fidgeting for your and my sake. Please Mr. Chuck, listen to Billy.

Nick the Geek said...

I use to work with Chuck Norris' cousin. I'm totally serious. The guy told me about some interesting family stories. I won't share them here just in case Chuck comes by.

Marni said...

Chuck, I'm gonna need one of those HMC's too. Here's why I think I qualify:

a. I met you that time at a fund raiser and we laughed, shared a Jesus joke and hugged. Remember me? Of course you do

b. I can shoot a Glock 9mm handgun with scary-precision. That's not something most chicks can do.

c. I can burp on command

d. I don't like the "Lifetime Channel"

e. I love beer and pro sports. Even better when the are combined

f. I take out the trash in my house. Not the hubs. Me.

g. I go deer hunting. I havent' killed anything, but let's not split hairs here

h. I don't like to spend too much time in stores. I go in, get what I need, get out.

i. I can balance a checkbook

j. I can change a tire

k. I know the "change oil" light in my car is not a suggestion, but a fact I need to address

l. I know what "torque", "infield fly rule" and "swaybar" is

So Chuck, whaddaya think?

katdish said...

Not to play favorites or anything, but Marni's got a gold man card as far as I'm concerned.

Beth said...

If I act like I don't want or need a HMC, will that get me a HMC?

And the fact I killed me a "b'ar" when I was only 3...