Saturday, April 4, 2009

Dear Friends,

This blog is like one big funny, sarcastic, sassy, witty family. Truth be told, I have more blogger buds with whom I spend more time than I have friends in my own town. When I re-read that sentence, I sound pretty pathetic, but I'm more of a 'develop a few solid friendships than have a gazillion shallow ones' type of person. I am now a firm believer that you can develop a true friendship via blogs, emails, phone calls... Just like a lot of us. If there is a need, we can give a shout out and there is a prayer chain that extends all the way to Africa and India. How awesome and big is that?

Last night I got to talk to Helen over the phone for the first time. I got to talk to her mom too. And Bob. Helen didn't sound like I expected. I thought she'd be a little more Chi-caaago sounding, but she's not. She has a very soft Mid-Western accent and her voice is super sweet. Bob sounds exactly like I pictured. We had a great conversation (Helen said 'Bob likes intelligent conversation', so we talked about 'intelligent' stuff. Bob is way cool.) and now when I read Helen's comments I'll be able to 'hear' her.

I've also talked to Sherri and she is the same over the phone as she is in her blog. A much thicker accent than Helen, and a fun one to talk to. And she laughs a lot. It's contagious. She laughs, I can't help but laughing. Probably half our conversations are just laughter. That's awesome. And I can't wait to hear everyone elses voice. Actually, I just can't wait to meet in person.

I am not normally a person that shares a lot of personal trials, especially on my blog. Especially this blog because it's reserved more for the funny stuff. But this morning I awoke with an extremely heavy and hurting heart and here is where I decided to turn. It's no secret that my adult life has been extremely dysfunctional...divorce, single-parenting, remarried to a man with kids, a blended family that more-so collided, a difficult relationship with my ex... I have had many trials with my daughter and have done a less than stellar job of handling them. I have felt failure as a parent, wife, friend, Christian, dealt with demons from my past gracefully and not so gracefully. I have harbored anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, made poor choices, drank too much to numb the pain and taken it all out on those I love most. I have questioned God, wondered where He was at times and run away from His open arms. I have cried in shame, in hurt, in humiliation, in hopelessness, begged forgiveness from my knees and cried out to God in desperation. I am as imperfectly human as they come.

As I laid in bed this morning, trying to sort out the mess in my heart, a song began playing in my head. I sang the lyrics and stopped on 'I hear the cry of every longing heart'...

I do know that no matter what, God loves me with a hugeness that I will never understand. I know that he feels whatever I do and if I think it hurts me, I know it hurts him a thousand times more. I know He is the God of peace and desires that in my life and the lives of those in my life. I know that He made the biggest sacrifice ever when He sent His son to suffer a horrible death for me. For ME. I know that He will be my guide through anything if I let Him. I know He cares and loves me. Yes, He loves even me.

I don't like to ask things of others, but today I am. I'm not going to go into great specifics of the situation at hand, but I am going to ask for my friends to extend a covering of prayer over me and my family. I would be extremely humbled if you would do that for me.

And I'm going to leave you with the song that was playing in my head this morning, that gives my heart great hope.

Love,
Annie K

12 comments:

katdish said...

Love you, gal. I am praying specifically, and all of you are in my daily conversations with God.

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Oh Annie, please know I have you Snuggied in prayer today. I hope you feel it. It's no accident that we are all here for each other.

Helen said...

You know I"ll be praying for you, hon, and your family.
All things work out for the good of those who love Him.
I believe that. I don't always understand how. But I believe it.
God bless you, Jon, Killian, Kenzi, your parents, in-laws, and anyone I missed.

CM said...

I recently found this site from SCL, and have really enjoyed laughing at all the snarkiness and back and forth. But this post really touched me, because I've been thinking about "the cry of every longing heart" recently. The way that we all have some area that is crying out for love and healing. So, even though I am a stranger, know that I am praying for you, too!

Beth said...

I love you, Annie! I will pray. You and the whole fam.

Thanks for sharing the song. I'd always kind of half-listened to it before on the radio, and it's beautiful now that I took a closer "listen." It reminds me of "blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

Richard said...

I'll pray for you, a lot... I grew up as the child in a family just like the one you described. There is hope, both for you and your daughter.

sherri said...

Annie, I didn't get to read this earlier, but I've been praying for your bunch due to the message you sent via emial.

Actually, I have had to put a little notebook by my computer for all my cyber friends prayer requests I'm coming across.

I agree with your feelings about these wonderful ladies we've yet to "meet" but feel like we've known each other a lifetime!

ANd your voice, for those that want to know, Is sweet and Northern sounding and much like I had already "heard" it in my head. I love talking to you and look forward to hearing from the rest of the bunch!

God bless you and your family and PEACE to all of you regarding this situation. HIS peace.

I can't stand it when I know someone is hurting.

ANd while you're praying, add my Dad to the list. He's not doing well. LOTS of complicated physical problems. Scary ones.

Love all of you guys!

Candace Jean July 16 said...

Certainly, Sherri - consider you and your Dad added to my list. It's so hard to watch your dad be ill. Praying for healing, wise medical decisions, and some peace in your heart.

sherri said...

Thanks Candy.

Annie K said...

Hey everyone,

Thanks so much for all of the encouraging words, from those I know and don't know 'yet' (CM& Richard). I certainly felt the prayer at work this weekend.

Sherri, I will be praying for your dad and great peace for the family.

Stacey said...

Annie,
Thanks for sharing some personal things. It seems I'm usually a day or two late checking in here. My blog list consists of many friends that I don't know "in real life" who need support and prayer for their daily struggles. I will add you and your family to my prayer list. I'm sorry that you are struggling.

Wish I could deliver a casserole of hope, but most certainly not jello salad with carrots! Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

You are in my thoughts and always my prayers. Hang tight little momma, you are loved and supported.

Pamela