This blog is like one big funny, sarcastic, sassy, witty family. Truth be told, I have more blogger buds with whom I spend more time than I have friends in my own town. When I re-read that sentence, I sound pretty pathetic, but I'm more of a 'develop a few solid friendships than have a gazillion shallow ones' type of person. I am now a firm believer that you can develop a true friendship via blogs, emails, phone calls... Just like a lot of us. If there is a need, we can give a shout out and there is a prayer chain that extends all the way to Africa and India. How awesome and big is that?
Last night I got to talk to Helen over the phone for the first time. I got to talk to her mom too. And Bob. Helen didn't sound like I expected. I thought she'd be a little more Chi-caaago sounding, but she's not. She has a very soft Mid-Western accent and her voice is super sweet. Bob sounds exactly like I pictured. We had a great conversation (Helen said 'Bob likes intelligent conversation', so we talked about 'intelligent' stuff. Bob is way cool.) and now when I read Helen's comments I'll be able to 'hear' her.
I've also talked to Sherri and she is the same over the phone as she is in her blog. A much thicker accent than Helen, and a fun one to talk to. And she laughs a lot. It's contagious. She laughs, I can't help but laughing. Probably half our conversations are just laughter. That's awesome. And I can't wait to hear everyone elses voice. Actually, I just can't wait to meet in person.
I am not normally a person that shares a lot of personal trials, especially on my blog. Especially this blog because it's reserved more for the funny stuff. But this morning I awoke with an extremely heavy and hurting heart and here is where I decided to turn. It's no secret that my adult life has been extremely dysfunctional...divorce, single-parenting, remarried to a man with kids, a blended family that more-so collided, a difficult relationship with my ex... I have had many trials with my daughter and have done a less than stellar job of handling them. I have felt failure as a parent, wife, friend, Christian, dealt with demons from my past gracefully and not so gracefully. I have harbored anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, made poor choices, drank too much to numb the pain and taken it all out on those I love most. I have questioned God, wondered where He was at times and run away from His open arms. I have cried in shame, in hurt, in humiliation, in hopelessness, begged forgiveness from my knees and cried out to God in desperation. I am as imperfectly human as they come.
As I laid in bed this morning, trying to sort out the mess in my heart, a song began playing in my head. I sang the lyrics and stopped on 'I hear the cry of every longing heart'...
I do know that no matter what, God loves me with a hugeness that I will never understand. I know that he feels whatever I do and if I think it hurts me, I know it hurts him a thousand times more. I know He is the God of peace and desires that in my life and the lives of those in my life. I know that He made the biggest sacrifice ever when He sent His son to suffer a horrible death for me. For ME. I know that He will be my guide through anything if I let Him. I know He cares and loves me. Yes, He loves even me.
I don't like to ask things of others, but today I am. I'm not going to go into great specifics of the situation at hand, but I am going to ask for my friends to extend a covering of prayer over me and my family. I would be extremely humbled if you would do that for me.
And I'm going to leave you with the song that was playing in my head this morning, that gives my heart great hope.
22 hours ago